Open to anyone who wants to see Hiroki/ 'Kashi / not quite Shiro whatever, and to any who helped him

[somekindofspaceuncle]

His search for a way home brought him nothing at first, for hours, for days, but then, he desperately called out to the Black Lion. And whether his a bit weak Quintessence right now, his very frayed spirit, was heard or not, he knows this: he's found a way home, if just for a few moments.

And then he's back. He looks shaken, but differently than just days prior. He knows things now.

And he looks around, making sure he's in Nexus. He is. Possibly near a library, possibly near a hotel, or a bar, or a restaurant.

He bites his lip and plays with his hair with white tufts and with black, still there, and rubs at his eyes, as if to make sure everything's still there and his own, not lost to him. He is...

Well, he is, is here, let's leave it at that. He laughs a little, mirthlessly, then stops upon hearing himself. No, this is... he musn't have regrets. He has no rights to those, ever. He has no right, none, not after everything's he (gave in and) done (if he struggled more, and more, more, could he have helped-- he thought he struggled as much as he could've, but how could that be true, if he still gave in, even in front of-

Katie, Lance, Keith, everyone, and whoever that new Altean girl was, and, Lotor-

So, no, he has no rights to any going back, none-

He knows that, now. He thinks so. He's here because-- he promised, a few people. Can't just go away if he has swore.

"Am I dead?" he mutters, under his breath.

(He's very much alive as far as the Nexus is concerned.)

"I'm probably dead," he adds, still under his breath.

He shakes his head, as if checking that he can still do so, with his own head. The important thing was, is, that apart from the Castle, everyone and everything was safe, for, huh, his definition of safe. He should be celebrating that right now. He should. Maybe he will, soon. It did no one any good to get caught on petty, selfish details.

Yeah.

He stretches a bit. Since he still apparently has own muscles, here, might as well use those to get less tense. Accidentally, he yawns. Just, outright.

Er.

Comments

[ziggyplayedguitar]

Ziggy had missed Hiroki. Those first few days had been oddly painful. People never stayed in his life long term, at home that was partially hiding his nature. The Nexus seemed promising to avoid that but here he was in the same situation. He was pining for someone who wasn't with him, couldn't be with him.

He'd moved on a whim to get away from the elevators. It wasn't far, a townhouse in the thick of the plaza area but first floor with no stairs or elevators. If. when Hiroki returned he wouldn't have to panic about any of those things, though Ziggy had made the choice for his own comfort.

He'd thrown himself into writing music, brought some of his equipment from home to work. His own world he told he was going into isolation on a vacation to write. It wasn't really a lie. Hiroki also brought about the consideration of working on his abilities and discovering what aspects of Anthean biology he had. There was never a reason to do so before and now he yearned for the distraction. He knew he was empathetic and that he had flashes of the future like some of the other Antheans. The cocaine helped and he was using more than ever with all the tasks he was burying himself in.

That was what he was doing, meditating, when he got a flash of Hiroki in the plaza. He was asking if he was dead. Ziggy heard it and jolted out of the serenity he'd found. He's out the door in his usual loudly colored clothing looking for the human. He didn't see exactly where he was but Ziggy headed for the Plaza to start, and with any luck he would find him.

[somekindofspaceuncle]

The Anthean will soon find him, either way. Shiro's clone isn't hiding.

When he sees him, he hesitates, maybe he should pretend he's not here. Wait to see--

See what? No, he promised. He won't hide now.

"It's you."

Said as if he's never expected to see the other again, though he wished-

"Ziggy. I'm back. Everyone's fine."

He'll wait for Ziggy to come closer if he'll, before hugging him.

[ziggyplayedguitar]

Hiroki may hesitate about the hug, but Ziggy does not. There's a warm hug and a kiss to the forehead.

"Of course it's me." Ziggy laughs, giddy about seeing the human again. "It's good news."

[somekindofspaceuncle]

So much hugging. Like he wants to never, ever let go.

And that's true, he doesn't want to... he hangs on to like to a lifeline. Oops. He's gentle, though, he remembers Ziggy's weak (?) or fragile (?) build.

"It is. But, that scar on Keith's face, I saw it, did I do that? It looked painful."

Probably.

"No, I know I did that. Haggar... With that arm."

And he'd know from personal experience that face scars, when inflicted, that was painful. At least he'll never hurt him again. Or any of the others.

"And others - they're also fine, just like he is, I wonder if Pidge or Coran or Hunk's saved them all, maybe all of them. So they didn't die, back then. I... well, already knew from Matt, but still."

He truly feels glad, apropos that. And so much relief... he wouldn't be here, he decides, if anyone died. Or if he came here, he'd try to leave. Because he wouldn't deserve this life.

He truly is glad. Those emotions just coexist next to many, many less positive ones.

Huh. Matt never knew about the clone being a clone. Before Nexus, nobody's told him. In other words. Nobody talked about 'Shiro'. About him. Which was... to be expected, with how that all went down in the end. He as a bad memory, now, certainly.

He had to accept that.

"I don't want to become a bad memory to you, too, Ziggy," Shiro, no, Hiroki, says slowly.

So... that's why...! He... just... hmm, how to put that in words that'd make humane sense???

"When you want me to leave, I will."

When. That's how he thinks or feels right now.

[ziggyplayedguitar]

Ziggy is all for physical contact. The more the better. There's an emotional rollercoaster rolling off of Hiroki that Ziggy weathers. By now he's learned any talk of his friends has a lot of emotional content. This time he's prepared and not as bothered by them as he has been in the past.

However that comment about memories has his fingers up covering Hiroki's lips to silence him.

"I don't want to leave." He feels slightly frustrated with the topic and decides that this man needs convincing. Ziggy leans in and kisses him. This isn't a little peck on the lips like the last time but warm and lingering.

[somekindofspaceuncle]

He wants to melt into the kiss forever. He kisses back, with desperation that can be passion, maybe it can be both.

Passion for a spark of life. Passion for this person who's not giving up for him, whether that's a mistake or not.

He kisses back, his mind now full of memories of Ziggy and how Ziggy had saved him only, for a dobosh or a few. For a moment. This moment.

It's because he hadn't hurt Ziggy (hadn't he? What about Haggar, shortly, back then, what if he was going to hurt him?) that he can kiss him, or so he feels.

As if he could resist somebody maybe beginning to like him, right now.

"Then, let's stay? If I can like, if I was even made able to... I like you. I think."

His voice hitches. But he smiles. Hiroki does, if, let's pretend, there's such a person. Is there? Who is he?

He has to know. He's always remembered so, so, so much. It's strange, now.

But, he cares - for Ziggy, that, he knows. And for others. Isn't that enough? What else is there, even, really, apart from that? What do memories matter?

[ziggyplayedguitar]

Ziggy just pulls him in tighter. His emotions flaring loud with desire and the clear emotions that he wants Hiroki here with him. The thing about empathic abilities is that it is impossible to lie when you are close to someone. They can hear it, feel what you might want to hide.

When they finally pull away from that kiss Ziggy is flushed and grinning. "I know I like you."

How far that like would develop or if he freaked out over someone being too close remained to be seen.

"I moved while you were away. There's no more elevators." He comments, just off hand.

He loved the kiss. Just is a mess rn.

[somekindofspaceuncle]

"Great! Now you won't break your-"

Oh.

"Sorry. I'm a little mixed up right now, I don't mean to say half the things I-"

Suppresses a sigh. That would be awful, sighing like that right after a kiss.

"Nevermind. I am glad you won't hurt yourself."

[ziggyplayedguitar]

Ziggy might be more upset if his natural abilities weren't in play.

"Hiroki, I know. I can feel it." He reminds gently still not ready to let go of the hug. "You seem tired? Do you want to come relax?"

1/2

[somekindofspaceuncle]

He was utterly exhausted. However, not - not sleepy or anything of the kind. And - he hasn't much thought about resting.

"You're so kind."

Hmm, so-

"Lead the way. It's not as if-"

2/2

[somekindofspaceuncle]

"To tell you the truth, I have nowhere left to go. Nowhere."

There's sorrow there, pain-

"I just don't know what to do, if I can't go back."

Longing.

And he just. Quiets down now, apparently not ready to say any more.

[ziggyplayedguitar]

Ziggy slips out of the hug and takes his hand to lead him to the new townhouse. He stops though and turns back to Hiroki.

"That's not true." There's that stubbornness again. "You can always come with me."

[somekindofspaceuncle]

'Shiro' nods, not trusting any words he might say right now, so, just, nods.

No, not 'Shiro'. Hiroki.... Hiroki Shirogane. Hmmm... maybe. Why not? there was no one left for him to be, anyway.

Because Takashi Shirogane was Takashi Shirogane. And therefore he, he couldn't be-

...alright. Then, let's try 'Hiroki Shirogane', he thinks, through some confusion and exhaustion. Hiroki, hm? He wants to hear the name said, outloud, again and again, until it might be his own, if it ever can, or any other, but this one feels - somewhat cherished now. He could take it.

He looks as if he might gesture or something, while he stumbles for words, but. It's very apparent that he'd gesture already if he still had his right arm.

Transition between arms, understanding that the right one really is gone, again, will take a bit. As is only natural.

[ziggyplayedguitar]

Ziggy is paying attention to the tempest of emotions and smiles. Leaning in he places a kiss on the right shoulder close to where the arm should be and then takes his left hand.

"You don't have to talk, Hiroki. I can understand some without words." He then starts leading him toward the townhouse if he'll come along.

[somekindofspaceuncle]

That was a relief. Still, something needed to be said.

"Sorry, I think I... need to drink. Water."

Pretty badly.

And yes, definitely water. Or something. He could imagine drinking alcohol and getting drunk to forget everything, but the paladin doesn't think he could stomach any alcohol right now. And he feels absolutely parched.

He could just go and-

However, he doesn't want to be alone right now.

Either way-
He'll just follow Ziggy, trusting him.

[ziggyplayedguitar]

"As soon as we're inside." Ziggy comments and leads them the couple blocks to where he is staying now.

The townhouse is smallish but comfortable and brightly colored as one might expect from Ziggy. It's only when they're inside that Ziggy lets go of Hiroki.

"Make yourself at home." Ziggy meant that as he headed to the kitchen. A moment later he returns with a glass of water for Hiroki, and a glass of whiskey for himself.

[somekindofspaceuncle]

The house is surprisingly cosy, honestly. Interesting.

He sits down.

He was feeling, all in, rather 使い古す, maybe, or-

Yes. Pretty worn out. But not to the point of losing consciousness, anymore. Maybe there was just nothing to lose there, anymore.

He drinks in silence, pensive. While also making sure his hand isn't shaking. Good thing it's not, right now.

[ziggyplayedguitar]

Ziggy is watching and can feel the worn emotional state. There's not much he can do about it though. He sits down beside Hiroki, close, as close as he can sit without being in his lap.

He's quiet, nursing the whiskey and unsure what to do. He's had hundreds of lovers probably, if he cared to count. Flings, one night stands, a person beside him for a night when he felt isolated but this was different. So different he didn't know what to do. He just leaned his head against Hiroki's shoulder waiting for something. What that something is, Ziggy has no idea.

[somekindofspaceuncle]

For the first time ever, 'Shiro' idly wonders whether Ziggy just really likes to touch people.

Curious.

But, comforting, so he'll say nothing, for fear of losing that.

No, he has to say something. There's something that needs be said. No matter how much he hates that. The words don't come easily.

"I owe you an explanation."

[ziggyplayedguitar]

Ziggy thrives on contact. His people, or well his mother's species and his father's personality, seek contact as part of communication and expression. He's not always quite so touchy as he is with Hiroki, part of that is attraction and part of it is something about him allows Ziggy to feel feminine. He could curl up with him for hours in silence and be happy.

"An explanation for what?" Ziggy asks curiously, lifting his head off the other man's shoulder to gaze at his face.

[somekindofspaceuncle]

"Everything. I began to explain, I think, but I was quite chaotic about it. About - my self. And everything."

He takes a deep breath.

"Ask me anything."

There's guilt, too, and it feels as if he needs it, needs something, needs to say something, or some guilt will continue to eat him up. That's what this might feel like.

And more.

[ziggyplayedguitar]

Ziggy is about to say something about it being ok but then stops with his mouth open. He sighs and looks away.

"I haven't been clear either." He'd always kept things away and never spoke. Though really, this human was a clone from a different reality. He couldn't be that dangerous. Maybe.

"You can ask me too." He's deflecting the question from Hiroki because he doesn't know what to ask.

[somekindofspaceuncle]

"Does Honerva know about you? Oh, of course she knows. You've tried to repel her."

He's almost forgotten about that.

"I hope she never comes to Nexus. You could be in grave danger! She doesn't like... insubordination."

[ziggyplayedguitar]

Ziggy laughs quietly and leans back against Hiroki's shoulder.

"My people are pacifists, but I'm not defenseless." No, Honerva had taught him that there was something inside quite capable of fighting when he was desperate, even if he didn't like to.

"I'm always in danger anyway." He shrugs because he was always on the verge of being killed at home.

[somekindofspaceuncle]

"You are?"

"I'll protect you, if you are. Whatever it takes."