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somekindofspaceuncleHis search for a way home brought him nothing at first, for hours, for days, but then, he desperately called out to the Black Lion. And whether his a bit weak Quintessence right now, his very frayed spirit, was heard or not, he knows this: he's found a way home, if just for a few moments.
And then he's back. He looks shaken, but differently than just days prior. He knows things now.
And he looks around, making sure he's in Nexus. He is. Possibly near a library, possibly near a hotel, or a bar, or a restaurant.
He bites his lip and plays with his hair with white tufts and with black, still there, and rubs at his eyes, as if to make sure everything's still there and his own, not lost to him. He is...
Well, he is, is here, let's leave it at that. He laughs a little, mirthlessly, then stops upon hearing himself. No, this is... he musn't have regrets. He has no rights to those, ever. He has no right, none, not after everything's he (gave in and) done (if he struggled more, and more, more, could he have helped-- he thought he struggled as much as he could've, but how could that be true, if he still gave in, even in front of-
Katie, Lance, Keith, everyone, and whoever that new Altean girl was, and, Lotor-
So, no, he has no rights to any going back, none-
He knows that, now. He thinks so. He's here because-- he promised, a few people. Can't just go away if he has swore.
"Am I dead?" he mutters, under his breath.
(He's very much alive as far as the Nexus is concerned.)
"I'm probably dead," he adds, still under his breath.
He shakes his head, as if checking that he can still do so, with his own head. The important thing was, is, that apart from the Castle, everyone and everything was safe, for, huh, his definition of safe. He should be celebrating that right now. He should. Maybe he will, soon. It did no one any good to get caught on petty, selfish details.
Yeah.
He stretches a bit. Since he still apparently has own muscles, here, might as well use those to get less tense. Accidentally, he yawns. Just, outright.
Er.
And then he's back. He looks shaken, but differently than just days prior. He knows things now.
And he looks around, making sure he's in Nexus. He is. Possibly near a library, possibly near a hotel, or a bar, or a restaurant.
He bites his lip and plays with his hair with white tufts and with black, still there, and rubs at his eyes, as if to make sure everything's still there and his own, not lost to him. He is...
Well, he is, is here, let's leave it at that. He laughs a little, mirthlessly, then stops upon hearing himself. No, this is... he musn't have regrets. He has no rights to those, ever. He has no right, none, not after everything's he (gave in and) done (if he struggled more, and more, more, could he have helped-- he thought he struggled as much as he could've, but how could that be true, if he still gave in, even in front of-
Katie, Lance, Keith, everyone, and whoever that new Altean girl was, and, Lotor-
So, no, he has no rights to any going back, none-
He knows that, now. He thinks so. He's here because-- he promised, a few people. Can't just go away if he has swore.
"Am I dead?" he mutters, under his breath.
(He's very much alive as far as the Nexus is concerned.)
"I'm probably dead," he adds, still under his breath.
He shakes his head, as if checking that he can still do so, with his own head. The important thing was, is, that apart from the Castle, everyone and everything was safe, for, huh, his definition of safe. He should be celebrating that right now. He should. Maybe he will, soon. It did no one any good to get caught on petty, selfish details.
Yeah.
He stretches a bit. Since he still apparently has own muscles, here, might as well use those to get less tense. Accidentally, he yawns. Just, outright.
Er.
no subject
Date: 2020-06-21 05:57 pm (UTC)"Z-Ziggy... you are. You're in love with me."
"I'm so sorry."
He takes a step back.
"Can you wait until tomorrow? I can't-- I won't-- today. And you can't force me. I hoped... you wouldn't want to force me, anyway."
And he's clearly flushed and bothered. And shocked. And relieved and, somehow, somewhat angry.
no subject
Date: 2020-06-21 06:17 pm (UTC)It startles him to be told he loves him. Ziggy's eyes are wide as saucers. He knows it's true or could be true. Coming true? Hearing it spoken out loud though floors him. His gazes drops to the floor and a smile creeps in. Maybe he is? For all the partners he's had in his bed none of them stuck around. None of them came back. Few of them wanted anything more than his body or to brag that they'd been in his bed. He'd gotten used to that lonely blur of people that he didn't remember or even want to remember. His eyes finally came back up and there was a face he wanted to remember, could imagine in his bed and in his life. He was?
"You're...I can't stop thinking about you."
"I don't want to force you." Ziggy's gaze comes back to Hiroki looking confused. He wonders how he even thought that about him; physically or his personality.
"I can feel that you want me, but when I approach you because I want you too, you shove me away." Ziggy sighs heavily, feeling deflated. "What do you want me to do with that?"
He's feeling lost and unsure of everything. Where had his confidence gone.
no subject
Date: 2020-06-21 06:45 pm (UTC)He wasn't going to cry. But maybe, not doing that had been a mistake.
"I want nothing, I have no right to want anything, and none to anyone, in any world. I beg you to be a little... patient."
"Could you that, for me? Just until tomorrow evening?"
He sighs, then, smiles shakily, but genuinely, and his warmest smile to Ziggy yet, somehow, just radiating affection, really. Smiles through those silly tears. Utterly genuine, and so is what he says next, in a moment,
"Tomorrow, I'll treat you like a princess, and never let go. I can be your knight in a shining armour."
Er...
"Uhm. That's a. Those are metaphors from Earth. Old, cheesy, silly ones."
Suddenly unsure whether Ziggy's heard that one or not, half-human and all. Not wanting to assume.
no subject
Date: 2020-06-21 06:57 pm (UTC)His voice is small, sort of pleading because he doesnt know how to handle his feelings. He just starts crying to, because Hiroki is crying and Ziggy feels frustrated.
"I have been waiting for you." Ziggy sniffles against Hiroki's shoulder. "Haven't you noticed?"
He nods to the comment about tomorrow and then laughs quietly. "I know the stories. They aren't old to me. People still use them on my Earth."
"Hiroki, can you do one thing for me?" He's still quiet and gentle though he's clinging to Hiroki's neck like he might run away again. "Remeber that when your feelings and what you say don't match... I don't know how to respond. My instinct is to follow what you feel more than what you say. My people, or my mom's species, talk more in emotion and touch than words."
no subject
Date: 2020-06-21 08:30 pm (UTC)Except sometimes his own. What?
"However- those can - fuck - be fleeting-- that's why, we, sometimes, we decide--"
Alright, he still needs to do something with his own erection, but he can do that once Ziggy leaves the bathroom. And it's not important right now, just... uhm...
"However - Ziggy, look, humans, Galrans, Alteans, and other, just - can't always see things the way you do. That's why any vows exist. Peace. War. Revenge? Work. Relationships. Vows about any of those, and other things, too. They don't replace feelings. They are-- how to put it-- well, you know. Our will, and... you know. And they matter to us - when feelings are clear and when they're all mixed-up."
"I'll try to remember how you see it. But I can't control my feelings. Only my words and actions - hopefully."
Even that much he's not yet certain of, dammit.
"If I want something, but am not doing that, it means I have my reasons. And then you're just, maybe - trying to argue with my spirit. It means-- that those reasons matter to me. If I said I wouldn't do something, but am not just wanting that, but also doing that - well, that's when a human would get concerned about my well-being, or-- my integrity."
"I'm not saying you should be. Just trying to explain... forgive me. And I'll try to remember, about yours, too."
"If all that made no sense at all, I'm sorry, I think I've said too much, we can-- forget this talk. Either way, tomorrow, I promise--"
And then he moans. And shudders. Quiznaking fuck. Alright, he's just going to take a few steps back. This will pass.
no subject
Date: 2020-06-21 09:26 pm (UTC)He follows that he is different than others and nods in understanding. He knew this. That was why he asked. Why he explained. But the rest, he pulls back from the hug to look at Hiroki's face.
"Fine. What is this good reason you have for obviously wanting me but trying to push me away like you don't every chance you get?" The question is very pointed, and just a little hurt. Ziggy couldn't understand lying to someone about how he felt or acting contrary to it.
Ziggy lets go of him when he steps away but the natural inclination is to let his eyes drift. The gasp, he can't stop it. God! He's gorgeous and his gaze lingers affectionate and pleased. His skin flushes, spreading hotly across his cheeks. There's no stopping the reaction of his body, nor are the tight little shorts he's wearing going to hide anything.
He has to bite down hard on his lip to hold back the desire to ask for.... for any of the 30 things that rush into his mind in the moment. The last thing he wants to do in all the universe is keep his hands to himself or for Hiroki's hands to stay over there and off his body.
Ziggy visibly shivers from the tension. "Tomorrow?" He repeats it, strained and forced. But he has to ask. The only way to keep from flinging himself on Hiroki is, possibly, confirm that there will be an end.
no subject
Date: 2020-06-21 10:13 pm (UTC)Deep breath. Let's just. Calm. Keep calm. And patience.
"That... is - today."
"Tomorrow, I'll do - anything you want me to. Anything you can possibly imagine, just say the word. I... I promise."
no subject
Date: 2020-06-21 10:22 pm (UTC)He has to do something before he can walk away. He crosses the distance between them and places a warm kiss on Hiroki's lips. There's no demand to it, just passion and affection.
"I want to love you." He whispers it, quiet and unsure if he does now or not. "Just...please stop pushing me away."
He smiles and pulls away. "I'll leave the bedroom and bath to you. When you want me, come find me."
It took everything to turn away. It swirled around in his thoughts that he wasn't wanted. That this was just some way to put him at ease for a moment. He grabbed his robe and put on as he walked out the door. He was going to go drowned himself in drugs and alcohol. It wasn't the best way but it helped him deal when he felt lonely. He felt so lonely right now even if he wouldn't be tomorrow but there's a lingering worry that Hiroki is just going to walk out before tomorrow comes.
1/2
Date: 2020-06-22 01:07 am (UTC)His already cherished Ziggy.
A memory flashes in his mind. He was almost dead then, or dead, but, one'd be surprised how much one can hear, in the end.
Lance, crying, somewhere probably, maybe, near Hiroki's body, mourning for Shiro. For the original, real Takashi Shirogane. Who... had reached out to him? Huh. I wonder back. Privately, surely, as I had never heard the Black Paladin. Who... would Shiro have somehow been back, if not for the clone? Or was Shiro never going to be back, was Shiro...
Is Takashi Shirogane dead and gone? Hiroki thought, wondered. Somehow, somewhere, I think right now I suddenly know whether he is or not, I just don't quite remember. But I could remember. Then I would know if - me existing, just gave everyone a false hope and was most, just.... quiznaking painful.
Just like, right now, his own existence brought only anxiety and pain to Ziggy.
But of course.
The clone shudders.
2/2
Date: 2020-06-22 01:27 am (UTC)Sits down heavily, closes his eyes, and focuses.
Focus.
Concentrate.
To check his own self -- but how? He barely knew his own self.
To check whether the witch, Haggar, Honerva, was somewhere nearby...
He had to check, knowing his own self.
But how could he know himself??? How, when, who, since when....????!!
No. What did he know??
Voltron. He knew Voltron. Each and every person inside.
Yes.
Bonds.
Eyes closed, he focuses. On the bonds.
Voltron, but only.
Everyone. There, and here. Everyone and everything he's.... Hiroki Shirogane, a Black Paladin... has ever even slightly cared about.
Curled up near bath, eyes closed, 'Shiro', clone, no, Hiroki Shirogane, focuses intently. As much as he can. It hurts. He's no longer even a Paladin, anyway, anymore, now, is he? Will never fly a Lion again, and he knows it. What is he doing???
He should probably give it up.
He focuses.
Eyes closed, still, Hiroki Shirogane doesn't notice that he's now glowing, suddenly, faintly glowing. Literally.
And then stops glowing. Opens his eyes.
"Honerva isn't inside," Hiroki says, not knowing HOW he might even know that, but knowing that that's true.
"I'm useless for others, now, but. But safe for others."
At least.
Whew.
Also, he was going to woo one Ziggy in the morning.
Re: 2/2
Date: 2020-06-22 02:12 am (UTC)